TANNS

Yahi hai right choice baby..aaha!

2008-11-17T22:56:00.003+05:30

Making the right choice between different choices is generally not an easy task. You can narrow down the innumerable options into at most the two best alternatives often which are reverse of each other. Then why is it that you are drawn towards two choices each of which is contradictory to the other, but each is compelling enough for you to choose one and tread on it.

And finally which one wins? For most idiots who seem to posses the commonest of sense like me tend to choose the mind over the heart and the path which possesses the least risk. (I’m sure if I ever want to be an entrepreneur it would take 7 lives to change my mind). And least risk in terms of not just the risk for yourself but a “holistic” risk (pardon me; I learned to use that word for every other thing during my MBA). You wish to lower the risk to be faced for yourself and your near and dear ones. The reason obviously being to satisfy one’s own conscience. I wouldn’t want to have even an iota of guilt for anything that may go wrong i.e. if I wish to choose the more attractive but ludicrous path, the path I so want to wade through. But my mind gives me the resistance to oversee what I may actually want, for the benefit of what I may actually get. The probability of the later being higher than the former leading to a lower percentage of the guilt, in case I decide to hear out my mind.

It’s better to leave yourself to the idiosyncrasies of what may follow ahead for things which are not in your hand since this is not what you actually desired, but you try and put up a façade of being the one who gets the best. But what if going by the probabilistic better choices I fail to realize the joy of the riskier path, making me grimmer deep inside because I just failed to realize the lost potential.

The Lost Trust

2008-07-28T12:10:00.008+05:30

It’s raining heavily outside. Seems like the dreadful 26th July has postponed itself. My trust doesn’t seem to hold good on the municipal authorities. An incident once occurred can definitely repeat itself.

Talking about trust, I often think of what it comprises of. What makes one trust anyone or anything, animate or inanimate? But trusting an inanimate thing has lower probability of you losing that trust on it. It’s not susceptible to changes in situations, moods or personalities. It can just prove you wrong because it obliterates or deteriorates, something which is not in its control.

But humans are special. When one has control, is one most susceptible to changes. It’s probably because whatever you do you can attribute a reason to it. Situations mould you rather than vice-versa which should be the case ideally. But it’s not an ideal world. We govern the laws of nature. We rule the world or so we think. We are free to influence, we are free to change, we are free to take things for granted and we are free to manipulate the trust that is placed on us.

There was a time when trust was indispensable in all transactions. Professional or personal, everything is still a deal. Trust and faith still holds some importance. But it’s losing its significance. It won’t be long before we are embedded with microprocessors proving our identity because trust will itself become obsolete and we won’t have anything else to trust rather than something as inanimate as technology.

2008-06-05T00:27:00.000+05:30

Seems like a dead end..every road is closed…I feel it’s my fault at the end. ’An idle mind is a devil’s workshop’… But why is it that every expectation is unexpected..can never be fulfilled however meek or fragile it is. Is it too much to ask? I don’t know…I guess it’ll still take a long time for me to understand the different aspects of what they term as ‘human nature’ more so about the people who are so dear to me..or so I suppose. Life is a race , never ending but brings u back to the same point. At one point of time you are trying to run away from someone and at the other someone is trying to run from you. Some things are never meant to be..and things which are , never seem right. Probably I’m too ‘vella’ to think all this or probably this is what that shall lead me to the underpinnings of what is real when all I’m trying to do is wander into the illusory.

I wish..

2008-04-12T01:15:00.002+05:30

Sometimes when you go to see something which turns out to be utterly senseless…u tend to find some things that turn out to be the most sensible of all...a similar thing happened with me yesterday..

A Hitachi ad…which I had never previously come across and touched me so much…that I just couldn’t help putting it up here.

I wish there was a button for everything. Different people, different situations each having different desires wanting to switch ON different buttons.

A lonely girl…
A button for “LOVE”
An expecting mother…
A button for “HOPE”
An old man alone on the dinner table…
A button for “COMPANY”
A dilapidated car…
A button for “APPRECIATION”
A tennis player…
A button for “PERFECTION”
Me…
A button to “UNCOMPLICATE LIFE”

Unexpectations are Real!!

2008-04-02T11:25:00.001+05:30

It’s a new turning point and life’s just going to change ...a 100 more mts. to go. I almost dread the path ahead of me..no clue whatsoever …something I’ve been longing for but when u get it…u realize what you left behind. Why does life make us feel cheated? I fail to understand…somethings happen when u least expect them to....time just does'nt tell anything apart..and u realize that these 2 years were all in vain…but I’m sure in hindsight you’ll feel good about it.

I do have some expectations…expectations which have been driving me…goals that keep me alive. I don’t want to mix the two…they are different but why do I tend to intersperse them. At this point in time…I feel I have no goal ahead…life is a drab …nothing to drive me through. Is this what I always wanted? Sitting in my office at SISL, when I think of those days, was this the only thing I struggled for.

I had these so called goals in my life each for a specific time. But whenever I achieved it, it was superseded by another super ordinate goal…a purpose which was in my subconscious, an aspiration not acceptable, but something I wanted really badly. You strive and drive till the end to attain the nothings just to realize they never mattered. Mind filled with bewilderment, am I a masochist when I claim to be an optimist, happiness being my ultimate aim. But then why do I end up hurting myself, without which life would be so easy but except the roller coaster ride it takes you through and the mirages it forms…a mirage of the unknown mirth which I so desire. But sadly, it’s just a mirage!

Same day, last year...

2008-02-14T22:25:00.004+05:30

Same day, last year
A bottle of beer
But, I still don’t regret it dear

Same day. Last year
Life was insane
But it just made sense
And gave it an essence

I can still smell the mint
Over the momentous stints
So fresh in my memory
That it still doesn’t sink in

Same day, this year
Recounting the times
I think, How life has come now
I still can’t say ‘wow!’

At this point I’m anxious to know
What life beholds
A reward of the two years
Or a punishment of the soul

Life is a whole circle
And it comes back to you
A tap on the shoulder
And a question unfolds

It seems like a boulder
But I seem to have no answer
I can only reiterate
All for the best!

2007-09-02T23:11:00.000+05:30

What lessons life teaches us..There have been so many instances when the reality has been thrown back at my face, and i fail to acknowledge it. But i truly beleive in one thing..."I never and would never ever regret anything that i've done in life." Everything has taught me to feel and appreciate the vagaries and the nuances to which we unkowingly always concede. One thing is for sure..I'll always treasure those nuances, those oblivious moments which have meant so much to me and still do.

But as days go by, I realize that those nothings which i value so much, are the ones which always dissapoint me and just seem to be meaningless and forms of mistakes for the other protagonists. I wanna thank those who've helped me realize this each day that" do not value all those nothings, all those snippets of life..they were never meant to be "....And i just hate to acknowledge that!!

You'll always be with me :)

2007-07-28T00:07:00.001+05:30

So rightly had I once said….back to square one!! Life is like a spring..it brings you back to the point where u begun. Interesting, isn’t it..? In these lanes lay my fondest memories..I’ll treasure them for life. Sometimes things just happen because they have to..no reason can be attributed..no cause justified. Probably it was just meant to be…not meant to last. But I still don’t regret anything and why should I. I always believe everything teaches you something and shapes ur life in many interesting ways.

Why is life so complicated? Wish it could be as simple as writing on this blog and I could write off all my worries and transcend them into this sheet of paper and the next moment would be as lively as I wanted it to be. But it isn’t simple..Something I’ll take along with me..something that we shared..so ubiquitous , yet so unique. Dear….I’ll love you….always!!

2007-07-15T14:15:00.000+05:30

Sometimes you wanna fight but dont have a reason to..sometimes you have many reasons but you wish to sit idle. There is a fighter in us, a dreamer in us..and i wish i could diffrentiate between the two. The dreamer in me wants to fight so that i can live upto it. But why is it , that sometimes you feel that all u've ever wanted was never meant to be for you. The one whom u've been fighting for doesnt exist, it does'nt hold the meaning you've wanted to associate it with. Everythings a mirage, a dillusion and i strive to come out of it. Dont wanna get wandered but i always do...

Yesterday, i fought for Harry Potter..probably i wouldnt have fought otherwise..but dont know why..i just wanted to prove something..something for which i didnt get any credit..not even from myself. I've always loved living life for a reason..be it temporary..but there's always a reason for each moment. But when my life loses it's reason..it gets boring..drab..the way its turning out to be. Probably the fault lies with me....dont wanna think..coz i think too much.

Why is Life not always tranquil??

2007-07-11T00:50:00.000+05:30

Some things in life..I can never understand. This dilemma is taking over me..not letting me live. I wish I could choose..but to err is human and human I am. Walking through these lanes tonight, so many fondest memories it holds and all I can do is nothing but walk past them.

Strange lessons does this place teach me..wouldnt have ever learnt sitting in the warmth of Mom’s womb, ..of love, anger, hatred, frustration, peace..Life’s a game of the bargaining power one holds (just learnt in the strategy class today). Someday I am the gainer and on others I am the loser. But why is it,that I feel I am losing my self these days. Couldn’t believe I could ever be in this situation.

Let not life take on you, but you have to take on life. Let not people take you for granted. This world is all about creating value and you will be at peace only if you create value for yourself.

Crazy Train

2007-05-13T00:07:00.000+05:30

What comes to your mind when u talk of “fair village” or “Mary and Jesus’ entrance”.
Wouldn’t be hard for a Mumbaikar to guess, that these are nothing but ‘Goregaon’ and ‘Churchgate’, or more so “Your head is in curd” would lead you to ‘Dahisar’-the much renowned stations of the Mumbai local trains. Its about the amorphous lives of people, where everyone has his idiosyncrasies, everyone is a dreamer, has a lack of time and an aim to do something in life. The only one meeting point where you can stop and stare is in the luxurious realms of the local train, where you can retire after your diligent stint at the workplace.

I am forced to eavesdrop a group of students pointing their heads in a direction when they say “Cool Chicks!” No, I’m not at a coop where chickens are bred, but at the Goregaon station, with chicks referring to the mystifying female form of the homo sapien species ready to leave for their college. I fought the World war III; no I didn’t side with either Bush or Osama. All I did was board a Churchgate slow, but isn’t that more difficult. I slid myself in through the narrow spaces, hoping to get a seat. I’m trying to sound sanguine when I say that I came across one of the sole descendents of Kumbhakaran.,but I bet if u could wake him up from his slumber and I was forced to give company to the bystanders standing at the gate.

Then comes the next station and a group of innocent students almost 10-12 year olds enter the compartment. But they didn’t seem to reflect their innocence as soon as they opened their mouths. All sorts of expletives and profanities were spat out, the sole target being the Indian cricket team. I couldn’t help but bewilder at the creativity of the words they could use. I gave way to them to come across a fastidious old lady, who seemed to have skipped her breakfast. She was eating bananas with such compelling speed, that nervous onlookers were forced to change their line of vision.

Stations pass by and passengers come and go, some of whom you can relate to for no possible reason, no logical explanation.

Indifference is what people say breeds here, but behind that lies the spirit of the city. Last year during the cataclysmic floods, people left their dry secure homes to help the people on the streets .With water in their eyes, each one was seen offering support and solidarity.

If you are late for work and running to catch the daily local, you can find innumerable hands stretched out in empathy to pull you up. Your fellow passengers, all drenched in sweat and frustrated, can relate with you. They know that your boss or your wife would shout if you miss this train. They will make space for you even if none exists and when they lend you their hand, it wouldn’t matter whether you’re a Hindu or a Muslim, whether you are from Peddar road or Dharavi. All they know is that you are a believer and hold the same trust that one holds on their fellow commuters. A leader in one’s own respect, they say “Come, on board, We’ll Adjust”.

2007-03-30T01:35:00.000+05:30

Things have changed, but life still goes on.With its twists and turns it gives me a meaning to carry on.

There was once a time when I thought that life was at at a standstill, on a hold and I needed some motivation to carry forward. And then I found you…somewhere in that alley ..standing alone.Never thought I would be with you someday, but that day probably showed me the way.And as time just passed by, I don’t know why, how and when the mysteries unraveled to simultaneously intertwine into new ones.

This road is what I choose, with no one to blame. Leading parallel lives, I probably might burn ,but this gives me the joy. The Joy of being myself, the joy of obliterating all concerns…I care a damn!!

I need not wear a façade anymore, though I know that someday this parallelism would become seamless and I’ll continue on my way ahead seeking the goals I once set, to lead the life once pre -decided. And then again ”life just goes on”

Nameless Meaning

2007-01-23T00:01:00.000+05:30

Never felt like this before…it seems I’m back to square one…where once I started in themes of red all surrounding me. I still believe in this” All for the Best” and this belief is never gonna change, coz I feel as each day passes by and the same way as one goes farther from reality into the mystic realms , at the same time one is brought closer to the depth of the meaning of what we all cherish-”Life”. Wish it was all too easy to understand. But I pretend that I don’t coz u see, I don’t have the time...and I pretend again.

Pretensions, facades, confusions, bring mirth to it and while trying to find my way out I often get lost. And why not…isn’t it fun to be lost in a mirage to gauge as to who comes to your rescue. You might find someone, or may sometimes be disappointed. “Well, no one’s come today too.”I cry out loud. Till when do I need to play this game of getting lost and being found again. I’m long bored of all this. Can’t be what I am. Probably during this game I’ve lost myself somewhere long back. Please help me find that part, that which is still seated in some deep, dark corner where I fail to reach…or maybe I don’t want to reach…!!! Only He can tell.

You and only You!!!

2007-01-20T02:43:00.000+05:30

Feeling so anonymous in this whole wide world
I often wonder if this were the same me.
Lost in these trampling paths,
I try to hold myself, whilst I may fall
Is it really difficult or just a game of mind?
Random postings of thoughts show me no way
I might get strayed lest you hold on to me
I fear the unknown, the perilous
Failing to understand what bothers me
I wish these unanswered questions could leave some strands open,
And lead the way to this deep seated anxiety

Take me please where I am myself
To a place were lies conviction, belief and faith
You are the one, the only one
And I thank Him for it
When His divine intervention showered a new meaning
A meaning to exist and sustain
You’ve given me the credence- “I do mean”
When I felt there wasn’t any

Show me the way again
The way you’ve led me
And take me back
To a world, which I can call my own.

Me, Myself And Tanushree

2006-10-16T00:07:00.000+05:30

Treading through the path of life
I try to shape my amorphous existence
Like water which moulds itself in various forms
I’m ready on my mark to befit what holds for me

The journey of this quintessential Engineer
Has left traces of being logical
Sanguine is what I think I am
Because ‘All for the best’ is what I believe in

Creativity may not be my forte
But one thing I’m sure
With music to my ears and a book by my side
I let idle moments pass by

A believer in myself and diligent in my endeavors
I embark on my flight not knowing where it takes me
Like a dreamer who would dream of a safe landing
And see myself as a leader in the corporate standing

A Dream.. or the Soul of Life

2006-01-12T18:10:00.000+05:30

Why does it seem like a joyride?
Segregated from reality and like a reverie
Exorcising all the anathemas of life
Leaving behind a tint of smile

Now I think is the time and now it seems
The parallelism between the two has indeed obliterated
Or is it just again a mirage
Or a horizon where the two seem to meet

Each time I think of it
What these moments seem to bring
Seems like bringing all my worlds together
Into the most sacrosanct ring

Beneath which lie my hidden desires
That I would never want to reveal
Like a bubble it seems so delicate
One touch, and it would all go for a swing

Never would I want it to break
The precious times it holds
Never could I even imagine
How it would enfold

But now that I have it
In one of my deepest retorts
I’m apprehensive to think
Of what the future holds

Lets not give it an epithet
And ruin its sanctity
For we know not what we have gained

Like pelicans flying over the ocean
Which they think that they own

An Unbound Path

2005-12-08T02:41:00.000+05:30

Scattering light here and there
Gathering each ray I sway about
Trying to analyze the distorted
Meaning of my life

Moving around endlessly into this void
I see the ether, Or is it just a mirage
The illusions seem so profound
Yet so small in their entirety

I wish I do not digress
From the path set for me
But then I ask, is it the one
Never meant to be trespassed

Climbing each step to a level unknown
Leading me to different doors
Wherein may lie various treasures
For me to unfold

I hope it doesn’t turn out to be a Hobson's choice
For then all the issues would be greatly simplified
For then I would not have to face the vagaries it offers
Transforming the challenges and fun into an abstemious style

Is this where I intend to go?
Often i probe myself
Because I myself am not sure
Whether this track is the one supposed for me

Wandering about aimlessly, I ask myself
Will I ever come to rest
I get no answer for I fear to agree
That's how life's meant to be

A Search for Light

2005-11-21T19:03:00.000+05:30

The borders seem so dismal
And the boundaries faded
The structures of human ingenuity
Loathed by the ones who themselves created

Segregating the friends into fiends
Invoking the fanaticism so intense
Rupturing the bonds once sewn
With threads of love and incense

Martyrs they call themsleves
The notion they hold is ignoble
To decrepit the pillars of humanity
with one blow of insanity

Myriad lie the ruins abound
Of ones who rejoiced
The splendour and grace of mankind
Now overturned to a morose sight

Two eyes searching in vain
For the lost hope to regain
Pleading with its arms wide open
To embrace the love of amalgamation

Let us strive to achieve this dream
Of bliss, hope, light and glee
Leaving back all the miseries
By joining the hands of peace

Love for Love!

2005-11-07T14:48:00.000+05:30

I am past the blogs or the blogs are past me is a vague question to accede to. A solemn thought arises and forms the soul of the pen or may I say of the many keys plying on the keyboard. Love for Love or is it Love just for the sake of love. Amongst the many myriad questions lies the one conceding its mystifying nature onto the ones that behold it.

A requiem for the solitary or an ether for filling the voids of the vacuum. For the idealists would want to believe in the later and the extremists the former.Perhaps its just an answer to one’s solitude. Often have I heard people say ‘ Let love come finding you’ and you would know when its in your vicinity. It’s probably partially true; but to acknowledge its presence one needs to keep an open mind; a mind not segregated from the aesthetics or of being appreciative of its presence.
It’s and innate pleasure that one seeks to find in nature abound. A latent remorse one would need to satiate. To transform your hidden enigmas on the one wholly deserving to unravel it.

No reason maybe justifiable to bestow this one of the greatest treasures. No reason is probably enough to justify your love. No reason is probably enough to let you enjoy the departure of the inner solitude. Neither can you be stopped when you just let it go past you. It’s a mystic breeze that entices you and takes you towards a path untread. To throttle you with the varying experiences it offers. To enlighten you with the various facets of life.

Being one with it brings your quintessential aspect into exposure. A feeling so extraordinary and so multifaceted that one just relents under its pressure to never understand its true persona.

The Deluge

2005-09-21T01:17:00.000+05:30

The similitude of the place thrown into destruction
The simulacra into distortion
What a havoc the Nature's dawned
Upon Gods own earth, we all frown

Never did we realize our abominy
Towards the luscious ecology
But when its tears sweep away
This land from hazard and dismay
To an obscure deluge so unknown
Wiping us from all the sordids known

Waking us from our oblivion
and this sultry delusion
Into this solitary, soppy course
With nothing left except for remorse

My Abode

2005-09-15T04:01:00.000+05:30

I find here a place
Where none would come traipsing by
Thus here my thoughts reside
Into this splendid joyous ride
Of mirth, ecstacy, unquivering light
I see myself in this twinlking night
Accessible and wary of the days delight

I turn myself and see you here
Sweeping into this wavering mind
With multidunous hands and crawling hinds
Leading me back
Where once i strode
Revealing to me
The gist of life

My own two Worlds

2005-09-13T16:58:00.000+05:30

The wind blows right past my face
And sweeps me away
From these melancholy days,
To an indistinguishable, unending new Ray
Where my thoughts are my own
And my dreams dont wither
Unknowingly into an unknown clutter

When I wake from my slumber
On this vast Ocean
Into a solitude, I often wonder
If the parallelism between the two could obliterate
I would never have to try out new facades

Just my Own

2005-09-13T16:52:00.000+05:30

well..its been almost a year since i've visited my page and now i know none wud come wandering by. So now its just a place where i can lay myself and let myself flow in its vast arena..knowing its just my own. Here i'm enlisting my thoughts , a place where i can come aimlessly to recollect my past recollections...

hmmmm..cant think of any title

2004-09-27T02:18:00.000+05:30

well..its 2:30 am after a ong time i'm awake so late..been ages ..nowadays used to sleeping max by 12..times have changed..i really miss those college days ..lifes become such a routine..i dont even get time to be online on my home pc.just got this opportunity today.Dont know whts happened to me.just feel too bored nowdays..i feel as if thers nothing to do..and yet so much to do and so little time...Confusing na..for me too.
i dont really know why it gets so difficult for me to get adjusted to these changes..and forgetting the past ..but thst wht life is all abt na.!
i think me getting too senti..well thts me , and i know thts wht no one likes being.But ..hmmm anyways..tomm..oh i mean today is a holiday..so gotta get up late and rest for the day.will spend time with parenst and in teh evening will go out to see Ganpati visarjan.i guess thts gonna e my schedule for tomm..trying to squeeze out soem time to study too..lets see whther i'll be able to to tht...anyways now i think i'll go offline in 15 mins and listen to soem good music while sleeping.

getting bored!

2004-09-13T15:26:00.000+05:30

hey,..well the trainer never turend up..seems he's got soem work..so today no training for me.so now i'm just sitting in the conference room and.. scared to go out coz someone might give me some work..today just decide to take soem rest and surf teh net..hence created my blog..checkin my mails..(37mb full)...pata nahi when its gonna reach 0 mb.

btw..yesterday we allw net for Dhoom(sag,shradha,nameet, myself)..movie is too good..got quite fascinated by the bikes and "John Abraham."had lots of fun..especially with sag eyeing abhishek in each scene of his...(and guess wht i didnt know sag's pet name is rimmi)..anyways..it was good fun yesterday. Hope we can meet soon again.

Hello! just trying my Blog

2004-09-13T10:51:00.000+05:30

hey, well read your blog amac and i can see everyone creating one, so i thot why shud i be the odd one out. socha mein bhi try kar leti hoon. well in a way its good , when u have no one to talk to , you can post ur thought out here.chalo anyways..i think my trainer is gonna come.bye.