Un-expectations are Real-2!

To err is human and human I am. But shouldn't I be learning from my own mistakes. But I don't. Why do I keep repeating the same mistake . Why do I end up hurting myself. I have no answer. I wish someone could tell me.

In the last 24 hours, I've been hit in the face twice. Twice have events made me realise that not everything or everyone is worth your time and effort. 

Life changes to give you new joys, new reasons to be happy , new paths of excitement and one thrives on these, not knowing that they may lead you to uncharted territories, where you so desired to go but was forsaken. You don't know what lies ahead, what it beholds for you but you get swayed in the mirth. You revel into the unknown and give your hundred percent to the new commitment ( Commitment may not be the right word here, but I don't know the next best alternative). But slowly you realise, that what you delved into, holds no meaning. You give your hundred percent and get back maybe twenty. Whats in it for you?  I am selfish and I have expectations although I claim to have none. But I want to expect because that makes me happy once it is met. No commitment can work or last with only one side working for it. You cant keep expecting and working towards something with the other side not responding.  The two scales need to be balanced. Nothing anyways is ever meant to last.  But still, there are some who think " Make hay while the sun shines" and why not? As I said, we are selfish and there's nothing wrong in that. But then, why is it that in this game, we end up hurting ourselves when our ultimate aim is to achieve happiness. What an irony!

Yahi hai right choice baby..aaha!

Making the right choice between different choices is generally not an easy task. You can narrow down the innumerable options into at most the two best alternatives often which are reverse of each other. Then why is it that you are drawn towards two choices each of which is contradictory to the other, but each is compelling enough for you to choose one and tread on it.

And finally which one wins? For most idiots who seem to posses the commonest of sense like me tend to choose the mind over the heart and the path which possesses the least risk. (I’m sure if I ever want to be an entrepreneur it would take 7 lives to change my mind). And least risk in terms of not just the risk for yourself but a “holistic” risk (pardon me; I learned to use that word for every other thing during my MBA). You wish to lower the risk to be faced for yourself and your near and dear ones. The reason obviously being to satisfy one’s own conscience. I wouldn’t want to have even an iota of guilt for anything that may go wrong i.e. if I wish to choose the more attractive but ludicrous path, the path I so want to wade through. But my mind gives me the resistance to oversee what I may actually want, for the benefit of what I may actually get. The probability of the later being higher than the former leading to a lower percentage of the guilt, in case I decide to hear out my mind.

It’s better to leave yourself to the idiosyncrasies of what may follow ahead for things which are not in your hand since this is not what you actually desired, but you try and put up a façade of being the one who gets the best. But what if going by the probabilistic better choices I fail to realize the joy of the riskier path, making me grimmer deep inside because I just failed to realize the lost potential.

The Lost Trust

It’s raining heavily outside. Seems like the dreadful 26th July has postponed itself. My trust doesn’t seem to hold good on the municipal authorities. An incident once occurred can definitely repeat itself.

Talking about trust, I often think of what it comprises of. What makes one trust anyone or anything, animate or inanimate? But trusting an inanimate thing has lower probability of you losing that trust on it. It’s not susceptible to changes in situations, moods or personalities. It can just prove you wrong because it obliterates or deteriorates, something which is not in its control.

But humans are special. When one has control, is one most susceptible to changes. It’s probably because whatever you do you can attribute a reason to it. Situations mould you rather than vice-versa which should be the case ideally. But it’s not an ideal world. We govern the laws of nature. We rule the world or so we think. We are free to influence, we are free to change, we are free to take things for granted and we are free to manipulate the trust that is placed on us.

There was a time when trust was indispensable in all transactions. Professional or personal, everything is still a deal. Trust and faith still holds some importance. But it’s losing its significance. It won’t be long before we are embedded with microprocessors proving our identity because trust will itself become obsolete and we won’t have anything else to trust rather than something as inanimate as technology.

Seems like a dead end..every road is closed…I feel it’s my fault at the end. ’An idle mind is a devil’s workshop’… But why is it that every expectation is unexpected..can never be fulfilled however meek or fragile it is. Is it too much to ask? I don’t know…I guess it’ll still take a long time for me to understand the different aspects of what they term as ‘human nature’ more so about the people who are so dear to me..or so I suppose. Life is a race , never ending but brings u back to the same point. At one point of time you are trying to run away from someone and at the other someone is trying to run from you. Some things are never meant to be..and things which are , never seem right. Probably I’m too ‘vella’ to think all this or probably this is what that shall lead me to the underpinnings of what is real when all I’m trying to do is wander into the illusory.

I wish..

Sometimes when you go to see something which turns out to be utterly senseless…u tend to find some things that turn out to be the most sensible of all...a similar thing happened with me yesterday..

A Hitachi ad…which I had never previously come across and touched me so much…that I just couldn’t help putting it up here.

I wish there was a button for everything. Different people, different situations each having different desires wanting to switch ON different buttons.

A lonely girl…
A button for “LOVE”
An expecting mother…
A button for “HOPE”
An old man alone on the dinner table…
A button for “COMPANY”
A dilapidated car…
A button for “APPRECIATION”
A tennis player…
A button for “PERFECTION”
Me…
A button to “UNCOMPLICATE LIFE”

Unexpectations are Real!!

It’s a new turning point and life’s just going to change ...a 100 more mts. to go. I almost dread the path ahead of me..no clue whatsoever …something I’ve been longing for but when u get it…u realize what you left behind. Why does life make us feel cheated? I fail to understand…somethings happen when u least expect them to....time just does'nt tell anything apart..and u realize that these 2 years were all in vain…but I’m sure in hindsight you’ll feel good about it.

I do have some expectations…expectations which have been driving me…goals that keep me alive. I don’t want to mix the two…they are different but why do I tend to intersperse them. At this point in time…I feel I have no goal ahead…life is a drab …nothing to drive me through. Is this what I always wanted? Sitting in my office at SISL, when I think of those days, was this the only thing I struggled for.

I had these so called goals in my life each for a specific time. But whenever I achieved it, it was superseded by another super ordinate goal…a purpose which was in my subconscious, an aspiration not acceptable, but something I wanted really badly. You strive and drive till the end to attain the nothings just to realize they never mattered. Mind filled with bewilderment, am I a masochist when I claim to be an optimist, happiness being my ultimate aim. But then why do I end up hurting myself, without which life would be so easy but except the roller coaster ride it takes you through and the mirages it forms…a mirage of the unknown mirth which I so desire. But sadly, it’s just a mirage!

Same day, last year...

Same day, last year
A bottle of beer
But, I still don’t regret it dear

Same day. Last year
Life was insane
But it just made sense
And gave it an essence

I can still smell the mint
Over the momentous stints
So fresh in my memory
That it still doesn’t sink in

Same day, this year
Recounting the times
I think, How life has come now
I still can’t say ‘wow!’

At this point I’m anxious to know
What life beholds
A reward of the two years
Or a punishment of the soul

Life is a whole circle
And it comes back to you
A tap on the shoulder
And a question unfolds

It seems like a boulder
But I seem to have no answer
I can only reiterate
All for the best!